To Put an End to What Has Already Ended

Today, I realized that facing the fact there's really nothing left is perhaps more difficult than discussing about it...
Words can anesthetize Feelings, while Feelings can't find Words when it hurts too much...



It's okay in the day I'm staying busy
Tied up enough so I don't have to wonder where is he
Got so sick of crying
So just lately
When I catch myself I do a 180

I stay up clean the house
At least I'm not drinking
Run around just so I don't have to think about thinking
That silent sense of content
That everyone gets
Just disappears soon as the sun sets

This face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone

If I was my heart
I'd rather be restless
The second I stop the sleep catches up and I'm breathless
This ache in my chest
As my day is done now
The dark covers me and I cannot run now

My blood running cold
I stand before him
It's all I can do to assure him
When he comes to me
I drip for him tonight
Drowning in me we bathe under blue light

His face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone

Há Noites Assim...

Há dias, como o de hoje, em que a Chuva torna tudo mais nostálgico.
Mesmo mergulhados no trabalho onde resolvemos, falamos, escrevemos, discutimos, toleramos... esquecendo por vezes quem somos, a Chuva tem aquele efeito "regenerador"...

De regresso a Nós - porque este regresso é inevitável - por vezes não nos encontramos, esquecemos parte da nossa essência...
Nada como uma noite de chuva, para nos fazer parar um pouco, e escutar o som das gotas de água que, com a força do vento, produzem uma melodia que nos aconchega e Alma e nos remete para o que Somos... para o que sentimos. Limpam a mente e tudo se torna mais evidente, alagando o nosso interior em serenidade onde emergem os afectos...

Aí percebemos que a rotina dos dias é como uma maquilhagem simples. Disfarça a perda, e entorpece os sentidos mais profundos com um falso brilho "socialmente fascinante" e necessário...
Sem querer, perdemo-nos na aridez do Deserto...

Gosto das noites de Chuva...

You packed in the morning, I stared out the window
And I struggled for something to say
You left in the rain without closing the door
I didn't stand in your way.

But I miss you more than I missed you before
And now where I'll find comfort, God knows
'Cause you left me just when I needed you most
Left me just when I needed you most.

Now most every morning, I stare out the window
And I think about where you might be
I've written you letters that I'd like to send
If you would just send one to me.

'Cause I need you more than I needed before
And now where I'll find comfort, God knows
'Cause you left me just when I needed you most
Left me just when I needed you most.

You packed in the morning, I stared out the window
And I struggled for something to say
You left in the rain without closing the door
I didn't stand in your way.

Now I love you more than I loved you before
And now where I'll find comfort, God knows
'Cause you left me just when I needed you most
Oh yeah, you left me just when I needed you most
You left me just when I needed you most

Sometimes it's Hard to Loose...

Sometimes, life sucks...

Everyday I wake-up and go to the Studio to see Feashy and Looney.
They live happily in a large Aquarium with nice plants and small stones that create the perfect habitat for them, as if they were living in a real lake.
Yes, they are fishes. My beautiful and happy fishes.

Each morning, I go to see them, I speak to them and I feed them... I play a bit with them and I enjoy caring about Feashy and Looney. They are a sort of "house-mates".
Then, I set the MP3 player on my favourite playlist and they really enjoy it!

When I arrive at home, I always go to see them and I chat a bit about everything...
It's amazing! They seem to understand and they really seem to pay attention! :)

Well... today, when I saw Feashy he did not seem very happy. Actually he was very quite, standing in the same position and not swimming to catch the food... He was the fastest one, he used to eat his food and sometimes he used to catch Looney's portion too!
Today... well... today he hardly moved...
I try to talk to him, looked into his eyes and he was sad and in pain.
I took him away from the Aquarium and I isolated him in another place... Looney was fine and normal....

I was very worried with Feashy and I've tried to find a Pet's store open on a Sunday, nearby! Impossible! None!!
At 16:43, Feashy has died after a long time in pain. I felt completely helpless knowing I was loosing Feashy.

Sorry, my dear Feashy... Sorry for not being able to help you when you most needed. Sorry for not even knowing why did that happen to you.
Tomorrow will be another day. But somehow, it will be a "dry" day, although my tears fall now... again...
I've lost Feashy...